bf.wtf👁️‍🗨️

writing by Ben Follington

Doing Too Much & Why I’m Starting A Blog

April 12, 2019

Hello, and welcome.

My name is Ben, nice to meet you.

I guess I’ll talk about myself for a second to set the scene. At the time of writing, I’m 26 and living in Brisbane, Australia. I work professionally as a Front End Software Engineer, which means I make user interfaces. I don’t really like boxing myself in like that though, I also do a bunch of other stuff:

I also have a lot of interests I don’t get to talk about as much as I’d like:

  • Physics
  • Art, of almost any kind
  • Music
  • Travel
  • Biology
  • Love & relationships
  • Storytelling
  • Philosophy
  • Health & fitness
  • Self-optimization
  • Technology
  • Fashion

I’m not showing off, I probably sound like an asshole but, uh, whatever? Hopefully by the end of this article you’ll feel differently. The main result of doing different projects and having a lot of interests is… I’m really busy. That’s not a complaint, I like being busy and I do not equate being busy with stress at all. So, why am I adding a writing project to the list? There are a few reasons.

  1. It lets me focus on interests that I can’t express through my work
  2. I can formalise and refine my understanding and beliefs by putting them into words
  3. I want to share the lessons I’ve learned and those I will continue to learn

The last one is my main motivation. I think I present a perspective that isn’t all that common. I’ve spent a lot of time not being especially happy in my life and have been left very unsatisfied by the conventional answers to many of my questions. I’ve actually had a very privileged life, my largest obstacle has been my relationship with my own mind. I struggle with depression, anxiety, feeling like an outcast, creative doubt and societal expectations. Like most who face these challenges, you probably wouldn’t know it from talking to me. I also struggle with sharing my emotions, both out of fear of judgement and fear of burdening others.

I laugh a lot and I’m usually smiling. I get lost in my imagination and spend hours staring at the ceiling, listening to music. I’ve been told I’m too sensitive and that I’m robotically cold and calculating. I care deeply about other people but have trouble showing it.

That paints a pretty bleak picture, I know I’ve got some issues. But I have made a lot of headway on all these fronts. Obviously the battle is never won but I think the insights I’ve gained are worth sharing.

My goal, not just in writing but in life, is to give others a sense of understanding about their insecurities and trauma, ultimately helping them to accept themselves and find contentment. I want to write the words my younger self needed to hear.

I’m dedicated to creating a life I love and one that younger self would be proud of. I may rehash ideas from others, accidentally or otherwise, but presenting them in my voice and from my context may give them new significance to some people. That’s all the reason I need.

I still don’t know exactly what content you can expect here, it could range from self-help to supplementation guides to programming tutorials. If you think you sound anything like me, or even if you don’t, maybe we can learn something.

I do have one ulterior motive, by sharing the lessons I have learned and will continue to learn I hope to treat writing as some form of therapy. I want to keep pushing myself to share more and more of my insecurities so that I can, in turn, accept them and be happier for it.

✌️ bf

April 12, 2019

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bf.wtf

Thoughts on a good life, amateur philosophy, self-optimisation, making video games, music, software engineering, user interfaces and more.